How Domestic Violence Impacted My Small Business

It goes without saying that this blog post will be covering challenging topics. While there will be no graphic descriptions of violence, I urge you not to read on if this post is too distressing at any point.

Anyone, regardless of gender, can be a victim of domestic violence. If you are in an unsafe place or experiencing ANY type of violence (physical, emotional, financial, etc), there are places that can help you:

LifeLine:

lifeline.org.au

13 11 14

1800Respect:

1800respect.org.au

1800 737 732

MensLine Australia:

mensline.org.au

1300 789 978

Elder Abuse Helpline:

eapu.com.au

1300 651 192

Or research: Domestic Violence Help

For urgent assistance: 000

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The cats weren't too sure of our place to start off, but they soon settled in.

October, 2025, marks nine years since we left a place of domestic violence. It was in this month that we got the keys to a termite-riddled rental and began hastily taking away our belongings while no one else was home. It was easily among one of the most distressing and freeing months of our lives. There was an unparallel degree of uncertainty – especially with all that didn’t go exactly according to plan.

At the time, we didn’t call it domestic violence. At the time, that’s just what family was. That’s just what family did. And we are incredibly thankful to know different now.

Domestic violence will always be a part of my history, and I am certain that we will always leave a mark on my business and the way I operate. The damage done cannot be forgotten or undone, but with a lot of time, self-love and hard work, the wounds begin to sting less. I should know – after all, it’s been nine years.

When I first launched Accessories by Antoinette, we were only a few months shy of three years free of the abuse. The wounds were still fresh, and we hadn’t had a lot of time, space or resources to properly process what we had been through.

I thought that starting a small business, it would be a fresh start, away from all of the painful reminders. It was work – not family oriented, something to distract the mind and keep me busy. But when my business opened it’s doors and I began connecting with various other creators, small businesses and hobbyists, I realised how fundamentally different my experience was to theirs.

I would talk to others – about business, about events, about experiences. And quite often, the conversations lead to matters beyond work, beyond projects, beyond the world I was trying to absorb myself in to ignore my woes.

The more people spoke, the more it became clear that I was lacking something that (most) others had: an army.

For me, I had a soldier. One loyal family member that was with my side until the end – and would soon become our resident crocheter.

The rare extended family members that we weren’t estranged from were typically too old to risk them accidentally sharing the name of my business with the people we now recognise to be unsafe, so it was much easier to keep those details – and details of all of the events we went to – as vague as possible.

I had one, sole soldier.

Meanwhile… Stacey had two sisters, her mum, five cousins, and her brother-in-law.

Meanwhile… John had a wife and her extended family, his parents and grandparents.

Meanwhile… Paige had her brothers, her nephews, her aunts and uncles.

Meanwhile… You get the idea.

Most of the people I had met had some decently sized support system. That’s certainly not to say that’s the road to success, but I can imagine it helps.

From day one, the first step always felt so out of reach because I had so little connection to my name.

When Stacey tells her sisters about her business, they pass the information onto their own friends, widening her reach from the first day. John’s wife tells her family about his new hobby, and they all rally around to support him. Paige’s relatives swarm and share on social media, boosting her chances of success.

Sometimes, these gestures go further. They pass through person to person, casting a wide net of opportunity and hope. Other times, they stop at one person, and that’s that. But the point remains that they had a chance. They already had a foot on the ladder for one of the most essential concepts of starting – and succeeding – in this line of work: A community.

At a very early point, I realised that – despite my best efforts – the abuse was going to follow me through all avenues of life, no matter where I went. I had to accept that I was walking into this adventure, not only blind, but unarmed for whatever was going to be thrown my way.

I had very little to begin with, and hardly any blood-relatives that were safe to tell. It was difficult to not feel like I was failing at the first hurdle, and that’s a sentiment that stuck with me for a few years as I began finding my feet.

It all went unspoken for a variety of reasons, the most influential being that there was nothing I could do to change that.

Of course, at any point in time, I could have turned around, begged for forgiveness and resumed my position in the ‘family’. But the reality of it is, even if I were a part of that tree, I wouldn’t have received any of the support that the other creators were receiving from their own relatives.

There was no option to turn back. There would be no Accessories by Antoinette if I did, because they would have absorbed any and all joy that I receive by creating.

Domestic violence has cast an ugly shadow over my life, and subsequently, my small business. I’ve talked about it a few times. It’s why I operate under a different name, and greatly value not having my photographs put up on social media. But this aspect is definitely something I never say aloud to anyone.

For a long time, it felt selfish to think like that. I felt foolish for thinking I was worthy of that, and spent a few years in silence, trying not to long for something that was always going to be out of reach.

I began to accept that this was how the world, and my life in particular, was meant to be. Unfair. Impossible. Always stumbling toward the finish line that was inching away from me. But I was very wrong.

In time, things changed.

Finally feeling true safety and comfort, and that is definitely reflected in how relaxed Bubbles and Jasper are.

I met people – wonderful, friendly people. I made connections and formed friendships. I received commissions and had returning customers, with interactions that extended far beyond a commercial transaction and branched out into friendly chats, laughter and ongoing banter.

I sent and accepted friend requests and collected phone numbers. Suddenly, I am asking for advice and giving it in return. In an unexpected turn of events, I am having lunch and dinner with people who care. Every time I see a friendly face, I receive a heartfelt hug, and I always get another when saying goodbye.

It's the opposite of what I imagined life to be, and what life was like throughout the formative years of my childhood.

At every restaurant or café, they sneakily linger and try to pay for our meals, without expecting anything in return. It’s a mind-boggling concept after years of paying for my own meals and still being scolded for owing a person money for a dish they never even purchased.

There is never any judgement for laughing or crying, succeeding or struggling. Everything is celebrated or supported, without being picked apart like vultures at a corpse.

They like, they comment, they share posts – and I’ve never had to beg them for that incredible kindness.

If you haven't already, follow Jules' Joules on Facebook! She is so kind and creative.

Last weekend, on the 11th of October, we attended Vine & Dine – a huge 12-hour long event from set-up to pack-down. It was a big day, and by the time we arrived the following day for the Blakes Crossing Market, we were feeling utterly exhausted. I had posted a lighthearted video on our social media, and soon saw I had received a comment. I thought it was going to be a funny remark or something similar. However, reading the comment aloud made me burst into tears.

It hit me, and it hit me hard, how lucky and how thankful I am.

After all these years, I’ve found my family. They make the gloomy shadow of domestic violence appear less daunting, and it gives me some space to heal. They offer hope and positivity; unlike anything I have ever known before. And because of them, I have found myself not thinking about the stumbling start I had in 2019, when it was just myself and one other person against the world.

We all need connection. We all need community. Domestic violence has impacted my small business; however, it doesn’t control my small business, and it no longer controls my life in the way that it once did. And if you feel that you may be in an unsafe relationship or family dynamic – you should know that it doesn’t need to lead your life either.

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Thank you for reading about my experiences in the aftermath of domestic violence, and how it has impacted my small business. I hope that this is able to help others in their own journey to safety, and finding their own community like we have.

Kimberley (they/them)

Accessories by Antoinette